Well Hey there! Did Any of You miss me? The ole computer blew an gasket (harddrive died) Thursday morning and I had to take it to the computer shop. I paid $70 for an new hard drive and $50 just for them to tell me what the problem was. It is the 2nd week of the month and im officially broke already. Oh well! I have decided to buy an dvd player for my computer for my birthday present to myself in July. I ran around all day today- chiropracter, computer store, and then walked to Dollar General. Why waste the gas especially since its so high ya know? I had to reinstall all my programs so I can officially put off buying an $98 copy of Windows Vista. Thats my day in an nutshell. I went to an church picnic yesterday and watched softball too. latas!

Undergraduate

One day, a very attractive under graduate visited the professor’s office. The under graduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee “accidentally”, etc.

Finally, the undergraduate said, “Professor, I really need to pass your course. It is extremely important to me. It is so important that I’ll do anything you suggest.”

The professor, somewhat taken aback by this attention, replied, “Anything?”

To which the undergradute cooed, “Yes, anything you say.”

After some brief reflection, the professor asked, “What are you doing tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?”

The student lied, “Oh, nothing at all, sir. I can be free then.”

The professor then advised, “Excellent! Professor Palmer is holding a help session for his students. Why don’t you attend that.”

I walked Penny this afternoon. I stopped by and talked to Janice als0- unfortunately she knew all about my juicy new gossip because the place has been vacant 2 months ago. I found some lil kittens with their mom in my shrubs outside my kitchen window this afternoon. Feels like an sauna back here – must turn on the a/c this weekend or Monday. Chatted with my friend Cathy this evening and listened to her whine because her wife left today to go on vacation.It was cute to hear the love My mom and dad also paid off my credit card that had an $1500 limit on it so i could car insurance and dad can stop paying for it. Nothing else is going on so far! See ya tommorrow!!!

It’s Simple

The truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let’s get started!

 I am sitting here writing this with an fan blowing in my face. That way I wont sweat buckets like I did last night without one. My only bitch is that the damn thing keeps blowing my hair in my face. The humidity is what kills you in Kansas not the actual heat. I went shopping today! I went to Barnes and Noble to check and read computer magazines to see if there is anything close to my invention– there IS NOT! After that, I went to an store called Accessory City and bought 2 cute necklace/earring setsand some bracelets for an steal of $25!!! Woo Hoo!! I had fun and saw a couple of other ladies in there by themselves. It was an GOOD TIME!!

The Devil You Say

The Devil tells a salesman, “Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived.”

“Well,” says the salesman, “what do I have to do in return?”

The Devil smiles, “Well, of course you have to give me your soul,” he says, “but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”

“Wait a minute,” the salesman says cautiously, “What’s the catch?”

Hi! I had an good weekend. I went and watched both of my church softball teams play one another yesterday. I was armed with my Pringles and Gatorade. I got a lil sunburned on my left knee. I think that i can take maybne another week without the a/c on. Not sure, will see. I finished reading my Glamour and got all my laundry done Friday night. Today everybody is being quiet. I dont know if they are mad that they have to work 5 days again or what it is. I just realized that this month is the 6th month I have been on HRT and when i look in the mirror I really see the breasts starting to develop. It was so slow for so long. Thats it for today! Love you all!!!!

Recent Quips from Late Night

“Hey, congratulations to David Cook, the American Idol. … I believe he received an unbelievable 50 million votes … which I think is a new record. … In fact, he got so many votes, Hillary offered him the VP spot.” –Jay Leno

“McCain, of course, has the nomination sewn up. He’s just got to go to the convention. So he’s now auditioning candidates for vice president. And they’re visiting at his home in Arizona. They will be spending the weekend with him out there at his home in Arizona. I believe it is called Casa Viagra. Wait a minute, I believe it’s called the Lazy Artery. I believe it’s a ranch. I think it is the Double Hernia. No, no, his home in Arizona, the Rancho Prostateo.” –David Letterman

“Big political news this weekend. John McCain invited Louisiana’s governor, Florida’s governor and Mitt Romney to a barbecue at his home in Arizona, because he wants to choose one of them to be his running mate. McCain says he got the idea of choosing a running mate this way by watching ‘Flavor of Love.’ He’s gonna hand them a rose at the end of the night.” –Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, a group of oil company executives testified before Congress. Oil company executives talking to politicians. I believe they set a record for the most number of lies ever told in one room.” –Jay Leno

“Dick Cheney gave a commencement address at the Coast Guard Academy. He really enjoyed speaking to the graduates, but his favorite part of the ceremony was water-boarding the valedictorian.” –David Letterman

“Barack Obama was endorsed by 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd. 90 years old, yeah. Byrd said, ‘Obama will make a great president, and if he doesn’t, I won’t be around anyway.’” –Conan O’Brien

Aww! Memorial Day is over and unofficially summer is here. The weather is starting to warm up. The high for tommorrow is supposed to be 90 degrees. I have had an long day because I got up early this morning at 9 30 i think. I read most of my Glamour and a lil bit of Allure.I did all my computer work and checked all my email by 1 pm. In the afternoon, I went out and used the clippers to trim grass I cant reach with the mower and cut shrubery on the fences. I also trimmed all the bushes on my property. I watched my new favorite tv show “The First 48 Hours” from 7 to 9 pm. Thats been my day! Have an Lovely weekend!!

Miracle Car

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home. That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad’s car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared.

After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening. When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car – someone must have bumped into the car and drove off.

Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad’s car. Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge,

“A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!”

 I am struggling through today. I didnt do myself any favors by staying up till 1 am or so last night catching up on my email and other computer things. Took Penny for an short walk this afternoon. Had an short chat with the Davidson guy of about 10 or 15 minutes. I asked my dad his opinion and he told me that they will keep asking for money out of me. I took an bath last night and shaved my legs and preceded to cut myself in 3 places . Told my Janice S the good news about my dad and left messages for all my other friends. I finally watched my movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The end of it didnt make an lick of sense to me! I also didnt know it was an musical so I slogged my way through watching it. Nothing to write home about. Just got finished watching the Real World on Mtv 5 minutes ago. That was my Weds; see ya tommorrow!!

Hungry Lion

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Dodge City

A cowboy had been in the saloon for a long time and decided that it was time, once again to head for the hills. He walked through the swing doors and immediately noticed that his horse had disappeared from the rail.

“OK” he said, re-entering the crowded bar “I,m gonna have one more drink and if my horse ain’t back by then, the same thing will happen here that happened in Dodge City.”

With that several of the cowboys ran out of the saloon and within minutes one had returned to tell him that they’d found his horse for him. As he turned to leave the bartender stopped him.

“Excuse me stranger” he said, “but what happened in Dodge City?”

The cowboy replied: “I had to walk home!”

Today has been an troubling day for me for the most part. I had another dream about my exgirlfriend last night. She was at my parents house as I was and of course mom and dad were there. This was d uring the holidays. My ex was lying on the floor in the living room and looking at an card she had given her. It said Happy Holidays from Don and Lydia. She was grinning like an lunatic. Then suddenly it was me and my mom and mom said sadly that “Some Day she will learn!” I keep having these sort of dreams and I have no clue where she may be and I don’t want to honestly. I have let this bother me for half the day. I just dont understand . The only thing that relates is that I am thinking about going back to my parents this weekend and that I lived there after we broke up and that happened during the holidays. Today has been an hot and humid day- basically yuck! Have an great Memorial Day Weekend and be safe in whatever you decide to do.

Office Chat

two young office girls are chatting about sex……one says to the other “does your cunt tingle after an orgasm?” other girl replies”no!! he just farts,rolls over & then falls asleep!!”

Hello there! Today has been an wonderful day for me. I woke up and declared it to be an wonderful Weds and it has been. I took Penny for an walk today and we walked by the shop and visited the shop and gabbed. Janice is kinda grumpy but there are days like that. She is just sick of getting taken advantage of by her relatives and was lamenting the fact that most people dont know how to manage their money. She specifically mentioned the Walmart ad that says that they will put your tax stimulus on to an Visa Card for you. I agreed with her . N o hard work for me today since I did that yesterday. Still debating about seeing Dad- gas went yp ro 3.78 an gallon here . Before that , last week it was 3.62 an gallon. Good news– Dad is finally starting to get better from his shingles.

Help

One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied,

“It’s about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!”

Hi! I have been an busy lil girl today!! first , I cut the grass and then after that ; I pruned around the fences in the backyard. I swept all the clippings into the street. Later in the day, I cut the long hair around Pennys legs off. I also got the window a/c unit out of the shed and put it in the living room window. I also got out the box fan and cleaned that up a bit. Guess I am getting ready for summer to hit. Tested the a/c and it works good still. Took an lil nap and just got done watching an new tv show i have been following called”The First 48“. May Jesus bless you all!! See you on Weds!!

No Help

A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”

“Sure it will.” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers