Trapped In Thursday

Aww! Memorial Day is over and unofficially summer is here. The weather is starting to warm up. The high for tommorrow is supposed to be 90 degrees. I have had an long day because I got up early this morning at 9 30 i think. I read most of my Glamour and a lil bit of Allure.I did all my computer work and checked all my email by 1 pm. In the afternoon, I went out and used the clippers to trim grass I cant reach with the mower and cut shrubery on the fences. I also trimmed all the bushes on my property. I watched my new favorite tv show “The First 48 Hours” from 7 to 9 pm. Thats been my day! Have an Lovely weekend!!

Miracle Car

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home. That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad’s car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared.

After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening. When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car – someone must have bumped into the car and drove off.

Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad’s car. Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge,

“A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!”

Struggling Thru Weds

 I am struggling through today. I didnt do myself any favors by staying up till 1 am or so last night catching up on my email and other computer things. Took Penny for an short walk this afternoon. Had an short chat with the Davidson guy of about 10 or 15 minutes. I asked my dad his opinion and he told me that they will keep asking for money out of me. I took an bath last night and shaved my legs and preceded to cut myself in 3 places . Told my Janice S the good news about my dad and left messages for all my other friends. I finally watched my movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The end of it didnt make an lick of sense to me! I also didnt know it was an musical so I slogged my way through watching it. Nothing to write home about. Just got finished watching the Real World on Mtv 5 minutes ago. That was my Weds; see ya tommorrow!!

Hungry Lion

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

 

The Day After The Holiday

Hi! I went to see my mom and dad in Manhattan. I left Sunday afternoon and came home just today. It was good to see both of them. Dad has started doing physical therapy for his knee again and wears an patch on his chest for the shingles. He is doing better. I got sick last night and threw up right in front of him. I brought Penny with me and she was sick yesterday morning . She was spoiled the whole time she was there – mom walked her twice. I am trying to get them to get an dog. I drove through some rain coming home but got here at 1 10pm. The cats were both hiding when I walked in the door. They are both out now!! I cleaned house after lunch and then laid down. I pray that the Lord blessed you whatever you may have done this holiday weekend.

Dodge City

A cowboy had been in the saloon for a long time and decided that it was time, once again to head for the hills. He walked through the swing doors and immediately noticed that his horse had disappeared from the rail.

“OK” he said, re-entering the crowded bar “I,m gonna have one more drink and if my horse ain’t back by then, the same thing will happen here that happened in Dodge City.”

With that several of the cowboys ran out of the saloon and within minutes one had returned to tell him that they’d found his horse for him. As he turned to leave the bartender stopped him.

“Excuse me stranger” he said, “but what happened in Dodge City?”

The cowboy replied: “I had to walk home!”

 

 

Troubling May Day

Today has been an troubling day for me for the most part. I had another dream about my exgirlfriend last night. She was at my parents house as I was and of course mom and dad were there. This was d uring the holidays. My ex was lying on the floor in the living room and looking at an card she had given her. It said Happy Holidays from Don and Lydia. She was grinning like an lunatic. Then suddenly it was me and my mom and mom said sadly that “Some Day she will learn!” I keep having these sort of dreams and I have no clue where she may be and I don’t want to honestly. I have let this bother me for half the day. I just dont understand . The only thing that relates is that I am thinking about going back to my parents this weekend and that I lived there after we broke up and that happened during the holidays. Today has been an hot and humid day- basically yuck! Have an great Memorial Day Weekend and be safe in whatever you decide to do.

Office Chat

two young office girls are chatting about sex……one says to the other “does your cunt tingle after an orgasm?” other girl replies”no!! he just farts,rolls over & then falls asleep!!”

Wonderful Weds

Hello there! Today has been an wonderful day for me. I woke up and declared it to be an wonderful Weds and it has been. I took Penny for an walk today and we walked by the shop and visited the shop and gabbed. Janice is kinda grumpy but there are days like that. She is just sick of getting taken advantage of by her relatives and was lamenting the fact that most people dont know how to manage their money. She specifically mentioned the Walmart ad that says that they will put your tax stimulus on to an Visa Card for you. I agreed with her . N o hard work for me today since I did that yesterday. Still debating about seeing Dad- gas went yp ro 3.78 an gallon here . Before that , last week it was 3.62 an gallon. Good news– Dad is finally starting to get better from his shingles.

Help

One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied,

“It’s about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!”

Tuesday Ole Tuesday

Hi! I have been an busy lil girl today!! first , I cut the grass and then after that ; I pruned around the fences in the backyard. I swept all the clippings into the street. Later in the day, I cut the long hair around Pennys legs off. I also got the window a/c unit out of the shed and put it in the living room window. I also got out the box fan and cleaned that up a bit. Guess I am getting ready for summer to hit. Tested the a/c and it works good still. Took an lil nap and just got done watching an new tv show i have been following called”The First 48“. May Jesus bless you all!! See you on Weds!!

No Help

A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”

“Sure it will.” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers

Rat_A-TAT Monday

Hi! I had an good weekend. Chloe called me from Thailand Saturday at about 5 30 pm which was 5 in the morning there. We talked for about 15 minutes. It would have been longer but I had an power surge from the power company and i was talking on the cordless phone so it went all static. We were almost done except for our goodbyes. So Chloe Bye and blessings on your srs date. I think that was today if I remember what you told me. Just got off the phone with my good friend Jenny and i am happy to tell you that she has found an new house and is painting and generally happy with life. I went to Burger King saturday for lunch and won an apple pie in their Indiana Jones contest. Woo Hoo! I cleaned the hell out of my house this afternoon. I am thinking of visiting my parents at their home in Manhattan for the holiday. Haven’t decided yet. See ya tommorrow!

Doctor’s Visit

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.”

“No,” said the doctor calmly, “He’ll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.”

 

Half the Month is Over Now

Hi! Now Yahoo is being pursued by some millionaire that is partnered with Mark Cuban and is talking about replacing the whole board with new people. Wow! Is Yahoo destined to become an part of Microsoft ? I dont know if thats an good thing . My cat Missy is rubbing my feet and purring right now. Sorry got an lil distracted there. My prayers still go out to my good friend Chloe for her srs. Dad used his rebate check to pay off 1 of my credit cards that he cosigned. I will never get another one i swear. What an trap they are! 2 weeks till the unofficial start of summer. Are u ready? hot temperatures, sweating, using the air conditioner, tv reruns(not like we didnt get enough of that this year with the writers strike), and swimming. I am always here to respond to your comments. I better finish this up so Penny doesnt go on the floor. Have an Super Duper Weekend!

Honest Lawyer

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”

 

The Wabbit Said It’s Weds

Thank you for reading my blog! I am so pleased that I have great friends that read and comment on my blog. I read Lori D’s blog about Yahoo’s plans for the new platform. Sounds very impressive but the proof is in the pudding. Let us just pray that Yahoo gets their financial shit together or all the greatest plans in the world don’t mean diddly shit. I can see why all their competitors are scared now. I decided today that I would put my father on my church’s prayer chain. The more people that pray the better. So I called and explained the situation to them. I took Penny for an walk and we stopped by to see Janice(it’s on the way home) and Hailey was there. That lil girl is so cute and is getting so smart I gave her an rose I cut off from my rosebush. Penny and I had to walk home in a bit of rain which made her faster. I guess she doesn’t like to get wet. That’s a lil bit of my day. See ya tommorrow huh?

When Snails Attack

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.

Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office. “What happened to you? the officer asks.

“A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied.

“Can you describe what they looked like?”

“I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”

Troubled Tuesday

 Hi! My heart is troubled all. My father is suffering so badly right now and there is nothing I can do for him. NO he isn’t dying but is in a lot of pain. He has had these shingles for so long. Now they have delayed my dad getting therapy for his knee. He told me today that he is 4 months behind now. I can tell he’s frustrated. I pray for him every day! he wrote an email today that almost made me cry. My dad isn’t one that says he loves you or is proud of you – just not his style. He told me that and that he understands that I understand because I went through physical and speech therapy growing up. I am thinking of surprising them at their house on Memorial Day and bringing Penny with me. I am also thinking about Chloe and praying for her before her srs date. Thought I would share with you!

Cheap Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “That’s really not so bad.”

When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

“Hi, Keith!”